Wednesday, May 27

Faster and Faster

River, my dream girl
Life just keeps going by faster and faster. But...the school year has ended for of Friday. I'm attending a two day conference (today is the second day). And then we'll be leaving for vacay. I can't wait! River was gracing my dresser with her presence, but I have moved her back into the doll room. I adore her. I haven't spent tons of time with her, but having her on my dresser meant I was seeing her all the time, which was nice. I have decided not to bring her with me, because I don't want the stress of caring for her......and I have to ask myself....who brings a $600 doll on vacation? Although, we bring our $1200 scopes on vacay, for wildlife viewing, so...maybe it's not as insane as I think? I'm writing this, I'm really torn. I would love to bring her along, but I don't want to risk damaging her. I guess I won't know if she's truly coming along until I get in the car and we head out of town. We do have people stay at our house while we are going, to keep the dogs company and take care of the mail, etc. We're basically on a road trip, which means we stop and stay in at least 5 or 6 places over the course of 2 and half weeks, so it's not like we're heading to one destination, and then staying there the whole time. So...I'm just not sure. You can weigh in on this issue in comments. I'd be interested in hearing from you. :)

River, with her longer wig
And speaking of weighing in, my lifestyle changes are working. I'm down 16 pounds in 5 1/2 weeks. Woohoo!! I have a plan, and goals set for myself along the way. I've got 70 pounds to take off all together, and then I will reassess the situation and see if I should go further. But, now I have 54 more to go, which seems more reasonable to me! I've been moving to a plant based diet, cutting out refined sugar, white flour, and limiting my meat and dairy intake. So I've been eating tons of veggies and fruits, some beans, nuts, and seeds. I plan one "treat" meal a week so I don't feel like I'm on a diet. I'm very proud of myself and plan on keeping up with this new eating style as much as I can over vacation. This means I'll be eating eggs with veggies and fruit for breakfast, and ordering salads for lunch and dinner...easy enough to do. And of course, I've planned out my treats already, since I have a couple of favorite places and things to eat on the road. Still, if I only manage to lose 2 pounds on this trip, it will be okay, since I won't be gaining weight. :)

Me at my goal weight

Just wanted to share with you what's going on in my life, because dolls have become a smaller part of it, but are still important to me. I am hoping to figure more of River out, whether she comes along for the ride or not. I will have lots of time to write my ideas down for her and hash things out. And I'll have time for reading, too. I might end of transforming this blog into something more rounded out, like a diary of my obsessions (currently: healthy living, dolls, Erin Condren planners and notebooks, and Lush bath bombs).

My Erin Planner, used to track food, activity, and weight loss
I have also realized that instead of wishing I was somewhere else (namely, a small bungalow in a heavily treed area where it rains a lot more often and is easy to garden), I am focusing on remembering and renewing my love for where I am. It's okay if I do avoid the sun, since I appreciate it shining, sunny and bright most days, even if I stay in the shade. Those are my ramblings for today. As you can see, I have a lot of things I'm working on, thinking about, and readjusting.
Please feel free to comment, and tell me what you think or about your own journeys in life these days. And what you think about opening this blog up to something more than dolls. xoxo

My first purchase of Lush bath bombs and bubble bars

Saturday, May 16

Lets Call Her River

So...River is her name. She's 21 and starting a new adventure in Tucson. She's single...and fully human. And she loves pink, sweaters, reading, and being in the wilderness. That pretty much sums up what I know about her right now. I will figure out more as I go along.

I am planning on bringing her to Yellowstone with me in two weeks! I'm excited to take pics of her in a different climate than the one I live in. I've also ordered her another wig, same color, but a little longer. I am totally in love with this girl.

Harley has already departed for her new home; and Crow is waiting for someone to claim him. I have a lot of clean up to do in the doll area of the guest room...and some American Girl Furniture to put on Craig's List...but probably not until I return home from my trip.

Thursday, May 14

Overhauling My Life

Hi everyone. I am in the middle of overhauling my life. I am trying to get back to the core of who I am and what I believe in. I am starting to eat a healthy diet and will factor exercise in again after I get back from my summer vacation.
And with all this focus on myself, I am realizing that the dolls are a much smaller part of my life than I thought. I also am not one who likes excess of non-utilitarian things. So I've decided to sell Harley and Crow. I am done telling their story and really don't have much interest in them as a story line anymore, even though I still find them very appealing visually. I am just going to keep my new F60 Sionna. She will be my only bjd. I also plan on keeping my one American Girl doll. I am really looking forward to limiting my focus to just one girl in each sub-genre of doll.
I plan on continuing to focus on improving myself through diet, exercise, and better financial decisions, as well as increasing my reading and journaling. It's a long process and more of a journey than a destination. I am slowly working on figuring out my Sionna, who I adore, but who isn't getting a lot of time or attention, since I'm giving it to other things in my life these days. I've named her about three times now, but nothing is sticking. I'm not worried, I'll find her name, she just hasn't told it to me yet.
Anyway, I just wanted to keep you all apprised of what was going on with my dolls; and the rationale behind the decisions I'm making.

Wednesday, April 8

Lexi's Room

Lexi is the name of my incoming Feeple 60. Originally I was going to call her something else, I can't even remember what, but Lexi is definitely a better choice. Her full name is Alexandria Ann Rush. She is 21 and embarking on a new life after an apocalyptic trauma upset her entire existence. She was attacked by a demon, right after barging in on her best friend and her boyfriend having sex.

She has moved to a new city to start attending a special school to learn how to deal with her new gifts from the demon attack, at the same time that she tries to heal her broken heart after the double betrayal. I can't wait to for her to get here, so I can start telling her stories. I plan on telling it through journal entries, texts, and emails, as well as photos. Of course, she'll be the only one in the photograph, since I have no other SDs. I hope to get her a companion, but that's 6 months to a year away. Which gives me lots of time to write her story and to get to know her really well.  I'm actually going to keep a journal for her, and write in it and then photograph the pages for some of the storytelling.

I have set up a room for her. I made her quilt, but still need to tie it off, and picked up a little Eeyore Tsum Tsum for her today at Target. I still need some posters and things to put on the walls. I also wouldn't mind a few more books in miniature. She's a total book nerd. She prefers to read young adult paranormal fiction, but she's read lots of other things as well. I am excited for her and her story.

She's renting a bedroom in a large house, where several college students room. This is her room:

Her comfort plushie, a tsum tsum Eeyore:

Her nightstand, with her books, a necklace given to her by her new friend/mentor, her laptop, and a reading light:

Monday, March 30

Chapter 17 All’s Well That Ends Well

I woke with a start, and realized I had heard the front door creak open and shut again. I glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, 2:17. He was back. I could feel myself beginning to shake and butterflies flittering in my stomach. So this was the big secret. The reason he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to me in the beginning. The reason he was able to arrive on the scene and do so much damage so quickly when Steve was assaulting me. He was a wolf. Well, not really a wolf, he was a shapeshifter. He took on the power and skills of a wolf. In order to do what? To kill vampires….and kick ass of regular human bad guys too, I guess. Who even knew vampires existed? I thought they were some made up fairytale, well, nightmare.  And if I was going to stay with him, this would be my life: living in the small town of Forks, surrounded by Jacob’s family and friends, and worrying about him when he goes to fight off vampires.
I heard his footsteps cross the living room, cross the kitchen, and I knew he must be in the hall. I could almost hear him pause right outside my door. My heart beat faster and I held my breath. He moved on, down the hallway.
I lay there for a moment, trying to calm my heart and my breathing. It was no good. I pushed the covers off, and slid off the mattress as quietly as I could, which probably wasn’t very quiet at all, to wolf ears. I cracked my door open and walked barefoot down the hall to his room. The door was open and he was sitting on the bed, clothed, minus his shoes, his head in his hands. Jacob looked up at me, as I came into the room. Even in the moonlight, I could make out the trepidation on his face. He really had no idea what I would choose.

“Do you remember when you asked me what I wanted most in my life and I wouldn’t answer you?”

His breath was ragged and husky as he answered, close to tears. “Yeah, I remember. And somehow I don’t think this is your answer.”

“Jacob, this is exactly my answer.”

“What?” Jacob looked at me, his brow furrowed.

I slipped my panties off and lifted my nightgown over my head and tossed it on the floor. I stood at his knees. “I’m yours Jacob, if you want me.”

He reached up and pulled me down onto the bed, while we both began ripping his clothes off. And lost ourselves into the oblivion.


Morning dawned, real morning,  late morning. It might have even been noon, with the sun blazing through the sheers on the window.  I opened my eyes, and found my head on Jacob’s chest, listened to his heart beat, felt the heat of his skin against mine. I breathed deeply. His arms tightened around me.

“You awake?”


“I thought you would still be asleep, after last night.”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? Gymnastics was a hobby of mine for awhile.”

He laughed, “Nope, I think you failed to mention that.”

We lay there for a few minutes, soaking in the warmth of our togetherness.

“Okay, so I’m going to ask you again, Rowan, just to be sure. What is it that you want most in life?”

“ I want a husband and children, and a cozy little house, and a garden. And parents who will love my children as if they are the greatest treasures in the world. That’s what I can have with you, isn’t it?”

“What about the whole wolf thing? You know, I can’t change that.”

“It’s who you are. It’s what makes you you. And it’s part of what binds your family to you and part of what will bind the two of us.”

He squeezed me tighter. “I really wasn’t…”

“Shh, don’t say it. I’m choosing you and the life we will have together over any and everything else. Let’s  get up and tell your parents.”

“I think they’ve probably figured it out already, between the noise and the fact that you aren’t sleeping in my sisters’ old room anymore.”

I laughed and blushed, “Yeah, you are probably right.”

Just then Jacob’s mom called down the hall, “Jacob, Rowan, get up sleepy heads, I’m making pancakes, and the bacon is already done.”

We were off to a great start.


Originally I was going to write about 8 more chapters, but I’ve really lost interest in telling this story, so this seems like a very good way to end it. Basically, a vampire trio was killing the people in Tacoma, and Jacob and the rest of his pack eventually figure it out and have to hunt them down and kill them. The last one evades them, goes for Rowan, and Jacob saves the day again of course. After the last vampire is killed, they officially move to Forks, Jacob works for the Urgent Care center in town and Rowan discovers that she is pregnant.

Now that the dolls have gone back to being Harley and Crow. Well the MNF Ante was never Harley, the MNF Chloe I had earlier was the first Harley, but she actually fits the character better than the Chloe did. And somehow I could never actually call the Luka “Jacob”, every time I thought about him or talked about him, I always called him Crow, in my mind and out loud. So of course, I may have to write a third story, a cross between the two stories I’ve told. We’ll see what the future holds.

Right now, I’m busy fleshing out the backstory of my incoming Feeple 60. She could show up anywhere between the end of April and the middle of June. She’s got me excited and pumped, and I’m really looking forward to her arrival.

Thanks for sticking with me and waiting for the last chapter. Which came later than expected in terms of time, and sooner than expected in terms of words.

Love to all of you,

Monday, January 19

Chapter 16: Forks, Here We Come

After showering and dressing, running back and forth between my place and Jacob’s, we had our duffle bags packed and ready to go for a weekend with his parents. We threw them in the back of his truck, and headed out for a three hour drive to Forks. We pulled off the freeway and took a long and winding road to his house. At last we pulled into a gray gravel driveway, next to small brick red house, with a bank of windows overlooking the front yard and street. There were about six other assorted cars and trucks in and around the driveway, and I could hear the high pitched voices and laughter of children coming from the back yard.

It was just getting to be dusk, so it was clear the shades were up, as the light from inside illuminated the yard. There were lots of people siloetted against the light. I didn’t know they were going to have a party, and I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach. How many people did I have to meet? And is it better to meet a bunch of people at once or just his parents? Was I going to fit in?

No sooner had Jacob put the truck into park and turned off the engine, then I heard the front door open and voices. A somewhat round woman with long hair and a soft smile that reached up to her eyes, and a tall man with a hair tied back into a pony tail, came down the stone walkway that led from the house to the driveway.

“You’re here.” the woman set, as Jacob and I both proceeded to get out of the truck. I walked around the front of the truck, to greet his parents, as his mother released Jacob from a hug and his father gave him a hard hug with pats on the back. Before I could introduce myself, his mother took my hands in hers and said, “Rowan, it’s so nice to meet you.”

Jacob stepped in to introduce us, “Rowan, this is my mother, Marie, and my father, Abraham. Mom, dad, this is Rowan.” Marie released my hands, as his father leaned down to shake mine.

“You can call me Abe,” he said.

“It’s very nice to meet you.” I replied.

Abe and Jacob grabbed the two duffles out of the truck began walking toward the house with them.

“Come on,” said Marie, as she hooked her arm into mine. “Everyone is dying to meet you. They want to know who managed to pull Jacob out of his miserable hermit existence….and dinner’s almost ready.”

I laughed, “I can’t imagine Jacob living like a hermit.”

“Oh honey, you have no idea how much he’s changed since you’ve come into his life.”

I smiled and blushed, remembering how he had blown me off the first few times we met, and wondered what he was like to the rest of the world then. We walked into the house, which was warm from all the bodies and the dishes still cooking in the oven. The house had an open floor plan, so we walked through the living/family room and to the right of the room where the kitchen was.  The inside looked larger than the outside. There were people everywhere, of all ages milling about in the large room. I was introduced to Jacob’s two sisters, their husbands and children, three of his grandparents, since his mother’s father was deceased, an uncle and aunt, two cousins and their families, as well as several close friends of the family. Max was there as well, along with his wife and child. 

“I knew I would see you again, Rowan.” Max said when he saw me.

I laughed, remembering. “You did!”

Jacob went off to greet his nieces and nephews and give them all rides on his back and rough house a bit with the older ones. Marie led me to through the kitchen, where Jacob’s sister Rachel was pulling rolls out of the oven while his other sister Rebecca was busy stirring a large pot of stew. “Just jump right in help out, Rowan, that’s how things work around here.” Rachel said to me as she handed me the now full basket of rolls to put on the kitchen table, which was set up as a serving station. 

Rebecca added, “We’re a little old fashioned here, with the women doing most of the work in the kitchen, but don’t you worry, the men do their fair share of work around here, too.”

Max piped in, “Yeah, we work hard at getting all this food into our stomachs.” His wife, Denise, who was tossing a coleslaw salad together, stopped to swat at him with her serving fork.

Rebecca’s husband, with a bouncing toddler sitting on his shoulders, said, “You better watch yourself Max, these women mean business. No fun for you later, if you piss your wife off now.”

Max laughed, “That means no fun for her either, and I don’t think she’s willing to miss out.”

I blushed at the bawdy humor, and continued to move food from the oven and stove and fridge to the table.

“Soup’s on,” said Marie. Everyone began lining up to serve the kids first, who were sat at several folding tables set up in the family room/ dining room.

“No formal seating here, Rowan, just find a spot to sit. We always have more people than we have space.” Abe said, from right behind me.

I grabbed a bowl, filled it with stew, topped it with a roll, and looked for Jacob. He was leaning against the wall, watching me. I caught his eye, and he smiled and blushed. I blushed right back, wondering if I was fitting in with his family enough and what he thought about that. I sat next to Rachel, and her husband John, who talked to me how I ended up in Tacoma, and where else I had lived. John was a wonderer, too. And had traveled up and down the west coast from Alaska to Mexico right after graduating from high school. He regaled me with stories of all of his manual labor jobs and amazing seafood culinary adventures.

When dinner was done and everyone was sated…and the youngest children began falling asleep where they sat, everyone pitched in to help clean up. When the kitchen was spotless, except for the dessert pies, which were left on the counter, everyone began gathering around Jacob’s father’s father, Joshua.  He sat on a wooden bench, with his wife, Evelyn, beside him.  People’s voices dropped and there was an air of respect and reverence, as Joshua was surrounded by family and friends, sitting on the floor, leaning against the walls, reclining on the sofas. Rachel nudged me toward the front, so I could hear Joshua clearly.

“We’re all heard these stories hundreds of times, Rowan. This will be your first time. Joshua is a good storyteller.”

Joshua began.

First man descended from wolves. This we know. But the story does not end there. In fact it only begins there. For First man had many offspring and his offspring had many offspring and so on and so on throughout history. His offspring never forgot their heritage, never forgot where they came from, how first man came to be. And this is important.
A great-great grandson of first man, Jebediah,  was walking in the woods, hunting deer, when he came upon a creature that looked like a man, but was not a man. This creature was very fast, and very strong. This creature was very pale, paler than any man that he had ever seen. This man was a hunter, but Jebediah did not realize what he was hunting until it was too late. For this creature was a hunter of men. This creature hunted Jebediah. He ripped open Jebediah’s throat and drank most of his blood. He left his body in the forest. But he did not die. He called upon the wolf god to save him. The wolf god explained that if he gave Jebediah part of his spirit, that that piece would forever be there. The wolf spirit would meld with Jebediah’s spirit and become one. This would give him the strength he needed to survive, In fact it would give him the strength, speed, and power needed to crush the creature that attempted to kill him. But it would also pass this on to his offspring and their offspring and so on. And with that power also came a cost. Jebediah and his offspring would forever be the guardians of the people. Never to roam the lands and settle new places, but to stay with the tribe, and stand guard and fight against whatever and whomever attempts to harm the tribe.  Jebediah accepted the spirit of the wolf. He used his strength, speed, and power to find and kill the creature who attempted to kill him. But this blood eater was not the only one of its kind.
When Jebediah was an old man, and he had many great grandsons, several of these blood eaters came to hunt the tribes people. Jebediah’s sons and grandsons hunted and killed these blood eaters, but it was not the end of these creatures. It was only the beginning, the beginning of the conflict between the people of the wolf and the blood eaters. Our sons and grandsons and great-grandsons continue to be the guardians of the tribe, continue to protect the people. It is this way.

As Joshua finished telling the story, I sat quietly, not really sure where to look, who to look at. This story had the one I found on the web site as its foundation but it was so much more than that.

Joshua asked his wife to bring him a piece of apple pie, as she got up to get it, everyone else began moving around to get desert as well. Joshua looked at me, and beaconed me over to sit by him, in the seat his wife had just vacated.

“Rowan, you will have to decide if you want to be to a part of this legacy or not. While we do not actually transform into wolves, we are still considered shapeshifters, since we embody the spirit, strength, and skills of the wolf. If you choose to have a life with Jacob, it will be, in Forks, and the surrounding areas, with these people that you have met here tonight. This is Jacob’s family, Jacob’s pack if you will. If you stay, your future children will be part of this legacy as well. While the story is told about sons and grandsons, it affects our daughters as well. They have the same spirit and continue to pass this on to their children. Do you understand this?”

“Yes, I understand. Jacob says that you and your wife still see sparkles sometimes when you look at each other.”

Joshua laughed, “So you’ve seen sparkles, too, huh?”

I blushed.

“So, Jacob must be right. You must be his soul mate.”

“Well, he hasn’t said that yet.”

Joshua smiled, “Guess the cat’s out of the bag now.”

I looked around the room, looking for Jacob, but I didn’t see him.

“He’s not here. He’s out in the woods. ” Joshua said, “He’s giving you time to make a decision.  He’ll be back late. You can tell him what you decide in the morning.”

I nodded. And had to ask one question, “So…um….vampires really exist?”

“Yes, Rowan, yes they do.”

The hours stretched by with game playing, more storytelling, of a lighter kind, and lots of laugher. At last people began to gather their things, and their children up and headed out to the cars in the driveway. Soon there were only Marie and Abe’s cars left, as well as Jacob’s truck.

Marie showed me to Rachel and Rebecca’s old room, which currently had a full sized bed in it, along with a dresser and an upholstered chair. My duffel was on the end of the bed. I grabbed my toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Then I went back to the bedroom and put on my pajamas, and crawled in under the covers. I didn’t really know how I would get to sleep, but the bed was soft and the blankets were warm, and before I knew it, I was out.