I just wanted to let you know that the story will go on, but I'm not sure exactly when. I am struggling to make some big changes in my life: my exercise and eating habits, my spending habits, how I spend my "free" time, etc. I'm trying to read more, and be on line less, and how all of this fits into my day, along with teaching full time, parenting, homemaking, and sleeping, is exhausting. I haven't figured it out yet.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the story will go on. I just don't have the time or the energy for it right now, since I've got so many other things going on right now.
Monday, January 19
After showering and dressing, running back and forth between my place and Jacob’s, we had our duffle bags packed and ready to go for a weekend with his parents. We threw them in the back of his truck, and headed out for a three hour drive to Forks. We pulled off the freeway and took a long and winding road to his house. At last we pulled into a gray gravel driveway, next to small brick red house, with a bank of windows overlooking the front yard and street. There were about six other assorted cars and trucks in and around the driveway, and I could hear the high pitched voices and laughter of children coming from the back yard.
It was just getting to be dusk, so it was clear the shades were up, as the light from inside illuminated the yard. There were lots of people siloetted against the light. I didn’t know they were going to have a party, and I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach. How many people did I have to meet? And is it better to meet a bunch of people at once or just his parents? Was I going to fit in?
No sooner had Jacob put the truck into park and turned off the engine, then I heard the front door open and voices. A somewhat round woman with long hair and a soft smile that reached up to her eyes, and a tall man with a hair tied back into a pony tail, came down the stone walkway that led from the house to the driveway.
“You’re here.” the woman set, as Jacob and I both proceeded to get out of the truck. I walked around the front of the truck, to greet his parents, as his mother released Jacob from a hug and his father gave him a hard hug with pats on the back. Before I could introduce myself, his mother took my hands in hers and said, “Rowan, it’s so nice to meet you.”
Jacob stepped in to introduce us, “Rowan, this is my mother, Marie, and my father, Abraham. Mom, dad, this is Rowan.” Marie released my hands, as his father leaned down to shake mine.
“You can call me Abe,” he said.
“It’s very nice to meet you.” I replied.
Abe and Jacob grabbed the two duffles out of the truck began walking toward the house with them.
“Come on,” said Marie, as she hooked her arm into mine. “Everyone is dying to meet you. They want to know who managed to pull Jacob out of his miserable hermit existence….and dinner’s almost ready.”
I laughed, “I can’t imagine Jacob living like a hermit.”
“Oh honey, you have no idea how much he’s changed since you’ve come into his life.”
I smiled and blushed, remembering how he had blown me off the first few times we met, and wondered what he was like to the rest of the world then. We walked into the house, which was warm from all the bodies and the dishes still cooking in the oven. The house had an open floor plan, so we walked through the living/family room and to the right of the room where the kitchen was. The inside looked larger than the outside. There were people everywhere, of all ages milling about in the large room. I was introduced to Jacob’s two sisters, their husbands and children, three of his grandparents, since his mother’s father was deceased, an uncle and aunt, two cousins and their families, as well as several close friends of the family. Max was there as well, along with his wife and child.
“I knew I would see you again, Rowan.” Max said when he saw me.
I laughed, remembering. “You did!”
Jacob went off to greet his nieces and nephews and give them all rides on his back and rough house a bit with the older ones. Marie led me to through the kitchen, where Jacob’s sister Rachel was pulling rolls out of the oven while his other sister Rebecca was busy stirring a large pot of stew. “Just jump right in help out, Rowan, that’s how things work around here.” Rachel said to me as she handed me the now full basket of rolls to put on the kitchen table, which was set up as a serving station.
Rebecca added, “We’re a little old fashioned here, with the women doing most of the work in the kitchen, but don’t you worry, the men do their fair share of work around here, too.”
Max piped in, “Yeah, we work hard at getting all this food into our stomachs.” His wife, Denise, who was tossing a coleslaw salad together, stopped to swat at him with her serving fork.
Rebecca’s husband, with a bouncing toddler sitting on his shoulders, said, “You better watch yourself Max, these women mean business. No fun for you later, if you piss your wife off now.”
Max laughed, “That means no fun for her either, and I don’t think she’s willing to miss out.”
I blushed at the bawdy humor, and continued to move food from the oven and stove and fridge to the table.
“Soup’s on,” said Marie. Everyone began lining up to serve the kids first, who were sat at several folding tables set up in the family room/ dining room.
“No formal seating here, Rowan, just find a spot to sit. We always have more people than we have space.” Abe said, from right behind me.
I grabbed a bowl, filled it with stew, topped it with a roll, and looked for Jacob. He was leaning against the wall, watching me. I caught his eye, and he smiled and blushed. I blushed right back, wondering if I was fitting in with his family enough and what he thought about that. I sat next to Rachel, and her husband John, who talked to me how I ended up in Tacoma, and where else I had lived. John was a wonderer, too. And had traveled up and down the west coast from Alaska to Mexico right after graduating from high school. He regaled me with stories of all of his manual labor jobs and amazing seafood culinary adventures.
When dinner was done and everyone was sated…and the youngest children began falling asleep where they sat, everyone pitched in to help clean up. When the kitchen was spotless, except for the dessert pies, which were left on the counter, everyone began gathering around Jacob’s father’s father, Joshua. He sat on a wooden bench, with his wife, Evelyn, beside him. People’s voices dropped and there was an air of respect and reverence, as Joshua was surrounded by family and friends, sitting on the floor, leaning against the walls, reclining on the sofas. Rachel nudged me toward the front, so I could hear Joshua clearly.
“We’re all heard these stories hundreds of times, Rowan. This will be your first time. Joshua is a good storyteller.”
First man descended from wolves. This we know. But the story does not end there. In fact it only begins there. For First man had many offspring and his offspring had many offspring and so on and so on throughout history. His offspring never forgot their heritage, never forgot where they came from, how first man came to be. And this is important.
A great-great grandson of first man, Jebediah, was walking in the woods, hunting deer, when he came upon a creature that looked like a man, but was not a man. This creature was very fast, and very strong. This creature was very pale, paler than any man that he had ever seen. This man was a hunter, but Jebediah did not realize what he was hunting until it was too late. For this creature was a hunter of men. This creature hunted Jebediah. He ripped open Jebediah’s throat and drank most of his blood. He left his body in the forest. But he did not die. He called upon the wolf god to save him. The wolf god explained that if he gave Jebediah part of his spirit, that that piece would forever be there. The wolf spirit would meld with Jebediah’s spirit and become one. This would give him the strength he needed to survive, In fact it would give him the strength, speed, and power needed to crush the creature that attempted to kill him. But it would also pass this on to his offspring and their offspring and so on. And with that power also came a cost. Jebediah and his offspring would forever be the guardians of the people. Never to roam the lands and settle new places, but to stay with the tribe, and stand guard and fight against whatever and whomever attempts to harm the tribe. Jebediah accepted the spirit of the wolf. He used his strength, speed, and power to find and kill the creature who attempted to kill him. But this blood eater was not the only one of its kind.
When Jebediah was an old man, and he had many great grandsons, several of these blood eaters came to hunt the tribes people. Jebediah’s sons and grandsons hunted and killed these blood eaters, but it was not the end of these creatures. It was only the beginning, the beginning of the conflict between the people of the wolf and the blood eaters. Our sons and grandsons and great-grandsons continue to be the guardians of the tribe, continue to protect the people. It is this way.
As Joshua finished telling the story, I sat quietly, not really sure where to look, who to look at. This story had the one I found on the web site as its foundation but it was so much more than that.
Joshua asked his wife to bring him a piece of apple pie, as she got up to get it, everyone else began moving around to get desert as well. Joshua looked at me, and beaconed me over to sit by him, in the seat his wife had just vacated.
“Rowan, you will have to decide if you want to be to a part of this legacy or not. While we do not actually transform into wolves, we are still considered shapeshifters, since we embody the spirit, strength, and skills of the wolf. If you choose to have a life with Jacob, it will be, in Forks, and the surrounding areas, with these people that you have met here tonight. This is Jacob’s family, Jacob’s pack if you will. If you stay, your future children will be part of this legacy as well. While the story is told about sons and grandsons, it affects our daughters as well. They have the same spirit and continue to pass this on to their children. Do you understand this?”
“Yes, I understand. Jacob says that you and your wife still see sparkles sometimes when you look at each other.”
Joshua laughed, “So you’ve seen sparkles, too, huh?”
“So, Jacob must be right. You must be his soul mate.”
“Well, he hasn’t said that yet.”
Joshua smiled, “Guess the cat’s out of the bag now.”
I looked around the room, looking for Jacob, but I didn’t see him.
“He’s not here. He’s out in the woods. ” Joshua said, “He’s giving you time to make a decision. He’ll be back late. You can tell him what you decide in the morning.”
I nodded. And had to ask one question, “So…um….vampires really exist?”
“Yes, Rowan, yes they do.”
The hours stretched by with game playing, more storytelling, of a lighter kind, and lots of laugher. At last people began to gather their things, and their children up and headed out to the cars in the driveway. Soon there were only Marie and Abe’s cars left, as well as Jacob’s truck.
Marie showed me to Rachel and Rebecca’s old room, which currently had a full sized bed in it, along with a dresser and an upholstered chair. My duffel was on the end of the bed. I grabbed my toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Then I went back to the bedroom and put on my pajamas, and crawled in under the covers. I didn’t really know how I would get to sleep, but the bed was soft and the blankets were warm, and before I knew it, I was out.
Friday, January 16
Note to my readers: I know it's been a long time coming. Between company for two weeks during the holidays and getting back to work, and trying to read more and exercise some, I haven't had the time or energy to write. So here is chapter 15, which is the segue between the stalker event and going to Forks to learn all about Jacob. I am planning on writing the Forks chapter(s) before the weekend is up, we've got off for MLK day on Monday, so I've got some extra time. :)
After eating, I told Jacob that I really wanted to take a shower. I felt like I needed to scrub the trauma of Steve’s attack off my body. I didn’t know if hot water and soap, were really going to do it, but it couldn’t hurt to try.
“Please don’t go. I don’t want you to leave yet.”
“I’ll stay all night if you want me to. Until you feel safe. Go shower. I’ll be here.”
I nodded my head, got up from the table and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and let the water heat up while I brushed and flossed my teeth. When the mirror started to steam, I stepped into the shower and slid the door closed. I put my head under the nozzle and felt the water beat down on me. I got my netted scrubber, lathered it up with body wash, and began to furiously scrub myself down, starting with my face, and working my way down to my feet. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. Then I washed my hair twice, and conditioned it. When I was done I was sure I looked like a lobster, between the heat of the water and the force of my scrubbing, but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel clean and whole and like myself again. I turned off the water, dried myself off, got the nail clippers out and trimmed the nails on my fingers and toes. I applied liberal doses of lotion to my body, kneading it in.
I heard a knock on the door, and Jacob called in, “Rowan? You okay in there?”
I breathed in and exhaled deeply. “Yeah,” I answered. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
I hung up my towel, put on my robe and cracked open the door. Jacob was sitting on the denim sofa in the living room, having cleaned up the food, phone in hand. “I’m okay. I’m going to put on my pajamas.”
I wondered who he had called while I was in the shower. I was half scared he had called my parents, and didn’t want to deal with their freakout. But I was sure my phone would have started ringing already if my mom had known what happened tonight. I walked to my bedroom and shut the door, quickly tossed on a pair of sweatpants, long sleeve thermal tee, and a hoodie, which I zipped halfway up. Then I dug around in my sock drawer, found my favorite pair of wool socks and put those on as well. I opened the door, and sat on the sofa, next to Jacob. He wrapped his arms around me and I sunk into his chest, feeling his warmth, letting him envelope me like a cocoon.
“I just talked to my dad. We can go to Forks tomorrow, if you think you’ll be up for it.”
I felt Jacob tense. He shifted uncomfortably. “We can wait if you want. I just thought…”
“No, no, it’s good.” I picked my head up off of his chest and looked at him and smiled. He relaxed again. And I snuggled back into him.
I didn’t have a clue how he could be so strong and move so quickly and I was too tired to figure it out tonight. I would have all the answers I needed tomorrow. I wondered how it related to the origin story, but I didn’t have the energy to think. Jacob stretched out in a half reclining position, and I half sat, half lay next to him, burying myself deeper within his arms. I closed my eyes and breathed in his warm, musky scent. Letting the rhythm of his beating heart and breathing relax me. I felt safe and protected.
The next thing I knew, I was squinting against the light that played against my eyelids. I opened my eyes to a late morning sun blazing through the living room windows. I shifted slightly and felt Jacob’s hand caress my cheek. I turned so I could face him and looked at him and smiled. “I guess we fell sleep out here.”
“Yeah. You were out in about five minutes and I didn’t have the heart to wake you.”
I sat up. Jacob moved into a sitting position as well, letting out a moan, as he straightened out his back. “You okay?”
He half laughed, “Yeah, I just need to stretch and get the kinks out.” Then he asked, “You up for a little road trip today?”
“You bet.” I said. “I get to learn about the mystery behind the man.”
Saturday, December 13
It was New Year’s Eve. We all had to work of course: me, Zach, Kate and the usual staff we went to the clubs with. Luckily, we close at 9:30, so we were out the door, all side work completed, by 9:45. Kate and I drove home, took turns in the shower, and then god dressed. I put on a pair of skinny, dark denim jeans, a white cami with a shimmery silver overlay, and a pair of low cut black boots. I blew my hair dry, curled it, put on makeup, a rarity for me, and waited. Jacob was picking me up.
Five minutes later the doorbell rang, I was at the door before it had finished it’s ding. He stood there in a pair of fitted black jeans, a white muscle tee with an Ed Harley graphic under his black leather jacket, and his broken-in motorcycle boots. As I let him in, his eyes grew wider and his nostrils flared a little bit. “You look amazing. You sure we can’t just stay here?”
I laughed, and said, “No way.” As I worked my way into his arms and pulled his head down to kiss me.
Kate has just come down the short hallway and into the living room. She was also wearing dark denim, but she had on a glittery gold tank and gold ballet flats. “Wow,” she said. “Did you guys call each other to coordinate your outfits? You match perfectly.”
“Synchronicity.” Jacob replied . “You want to ride with us?”
“No,” said Kate. “Phil is coming to pick me up.” Phil used to work at the brewery with us, but he quit a couple of weeks ago, having gotten his dream job as an accountant in a local law firm. He and Kate had dated on and off again. And it looked like it was back on.
“When did that start up again?” I asked.
“He called me last week and asked for a clean start. The last time I saw him was the night you paid a visit to the emergency room, and we sort of toyed with the idea that night.”
“Oh,” I said, “Well here’s hoping.”
“And if nothing else, I’ve got someone to kiss at midnight.” Kate said with a laugh.
Phil was a nice guy, steady and true. But Kate, for all of her commitment to our friendship, was skittish about serious relationships with the opposite sex. Her parents had been through a very nasty divorce, and she never really got over it. Phil was smart though, he knew better than to push Kate and who knew, maybe one of these times, she would actually stick it out with him for more than a few weeks.
Milo, Steve, Sarah, and Michelle were meeting us at Club Lulu. Jacob was handed me his jacket to wear for the ride over. I about swooned when I saw the way his arm and chest muscles pulled at the t-shirt fabric. I don’t think I had ever seen him in anything but long sleeves before. He caught me staring at his bicep, and I blushed. “Guess you like what you see?”
I blushed harder. “I knew you were ripped, but I had no idea you were that ripped.”
Jacob laughed, “It’s in the genes.” He said. Which make me look at his thighs.
“Yes, it is.” I said.
He laughed again. “Not those jeans.”
“Oh.” I laughed out loud and he held out his hand for me to take.
Just as we were heading out the door, Phil pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. “Hey Rowan.”
“Tell him not to come up, I’ll be right there.” Kate, who was right behind me, said.
“Hey Phil.” I said. “Kate’s right here, she’ll be right down.”
The three of us bounded down the stairs, and I introduced Jacob and Phil. We got in our respective car and truck, and drove over to Club Lulu. It was Steve’s pick. They were having a Tiki themed party, with plenty of Mai Tais and assorted other drinks on special. I didn’t care where we went, I was just happy I was with Jacob. It was the first time we were going clubbing together. I was looking forward to lots of physical contact on the dance floor.
Jacob was in the lead, and he found two spots in the back of the parking lot right next to each other. He slid the truck into the left one, and Phil parked alongside him on the right. I took off the jacket he had lent me, and handed it back to Jacob. He tossed it in the rear of the cab. I could feel the goosebumps on my skin and rubbed my hands up and down my arms while we half walked, half ran to the club entrance. Since it was already after ten, there was no line at the door, so we were able to pay the cover charges and go right in. Kate and I scanned the crowd until we saw Zach’s tall physique and his spiky blond hair. He saw us and waved us over. Kate led the way, with me right behind, followed by Jacob and Phil. As we sauntered over to the small table they were standing around, I saw Milo’s eyes widen and Steve’s chin drop. Sarah and Michelle both immediately stood straighter, thrust out their chests, and pouted their lips. They were all looking at Jacob as he came into full view.
Zach had noticed too, he turned to Jacob and said, “You sure know how to make an impact.”
“Hey everyone, this is Jacob,” I said. The color high in my cheeks, I could feel the heat of it.
Steve reached over with his hand and shook Jacob’s. “How do you know our Rowan?” He asked.
“Oh, we kept running into each other around town.” He said. “And I finally decided to say hi.”
“Wow,” said Sarah, “I wish that would happen to me.”
Milo just smiled and shook Jacob’s hand, “Nice to officially meet you.” Then he turned to Phil and patted him on the back, “Good to see you, man.”
Phil smiled back, “Same here, bro, same here.”
Michelle said, “What’s everyone drinking? Here comes one of the servers.”
Jacob came up behind me, and put an arm around my waist. He bend his head down to my ear, and asked, “What are you drinking, baby?”
I turned around to face him, as he circled his other arm about me, and held me. “I really want to get you out on to the dance floor, first.” I said.
“Whatever you want, boss.” He replied, released me, grabbed my hand and said out to Michelle, “I think we’ll pass for now.” He began leading me out onto the dance floor.
I head Zach say, “Well, there goes my dance partner.”
And someone else said, “Who the hell is that guy?” But I wasn’t sure if it was Milo, Steve, or Phil.
Jacob reached the floor, pushed his wait through several bodies until we found the middle of it, and swung me into his arms. I laced my hands around his neck and met his hips with mine. He leaned his face in and I reached mine up, until our lips met, and we kissed, as we swayed to the rhythm of the music. I felt completely filled up, and ready to explode, as heat rushed through every part of my body. I closed my eyes and just felt the bass beating into me, while I held on to Jacob and our bodies moved in unison. He slowly wound the kiss the down and released my lips and tongue. I leaned my head against his chest, and said a silent prayer of thanks for a song that could be fast or slow.
By the second song, Kate and Phil had made their way to us, and by the third the rest of our little crowd had followed. When the forth song, and one of our favorites came on, Zach asked Jacob, “Hey, can I still my old dance partner for this one?”
“Sure.” Jacob said. “I’ll go order us some beers.” I grabbed Zach’s hand, and said, “Don’t be jealous.” And gave him a teasing smile.
“Ugh, Rowan, I’m just not looking forward to finding another dance partner who doesn’t think they can straighten me out with enough gyrations.”
I laughed heartily on that one, “Oh baby, they would be a fool to think they could.” And I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I know your heart is true to your one true love. If things with Kate and Phil don’t work out, she could be in the running.”
Zach smiled and said. “Looks like you found yourself a good one.” We danced to a couple of songs, along with Steve, Milo, and Sarah. Phil, Kate, and Michelle had gone back to the table to grab a drink or two.
Steve asked Zach if he could cut in, and Zach handed me over. I put my hand on Steve’s shoulder and he put one on my waist. Zach, Milo, and Sarah left the floor for a drink, and Steve pivoted me around with his hand, pushing me further up the dance floor. We finished the dance and before the next one came on, he leaned down to me ear and said, “I need to tell you something.”
“Okay,” I said, not having any idea what he would want to tell me.
He grabbed my hand and led me off the dance floor and down the narrow hallway toward the bathrooms, and near the back exit door.
“Where are we going?” I asked him.
“I want you to be able to hear me.” He said.
I wasn’t sure going through the exit door was a good idea, so I stopped walking. He tugged on my hand, but I refused to budge. He swung around behind me and shoved me against the bar on the door, causing it to open. The next thing I knew I was outside in the freezing cold, and the door was shut behind me. I had my little silver purse slung across my body and was mentally scolding myself for not buying a mini bear spray can that would have fit in it. My big can was snuggly at home, dangling from a clip on my backpack. I looked around. We were in the back alley, with a few dumpsters every hundred feet and not much else. I looked down at my boots and wondered if I could outrun Steve to the front of the building. But I knew my boots were slick and I had a better chance of skidding and falling and doing some serious injury to myself than of actually making it there safely.
“Look Rowan, you don’t need to be afraid of me. I just really need to talk to you and I need you to hear me.”
“Okay, Steve,” I said, not believing him for one minute. He still had my hand in his and wasn’t letting go. He swung around and took my hand as well.
“What are you doing with that guy, Rowan? Who is he? Don’t you know, you’re supposed to be with me?”
“You’ve never said anything to me, Steve.” I said. Hoping logic might work, but not really thinking it would. “How was I supposed to know you were interested in me?”
“Who do you think sent you the roses? And the card on your car? I’ve been following you, watching you. You’re beautiful Rowan, and you belong to me.”
“What?” I said. “You’ve been stalking me? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Not stalking, Rowan, just following, just keeping tabs on you.”
“I hate to break it to you, Steve. But that’s pretty much the definition of a stalker.”
“No, Rowan, it’s not. I’m an admirer, not a stalker.”
As we were talking, he had been slowly pushing me backward and now I could feel the brick of the building, hard and cold against my back.
“ The other day, you told Gary, you know Gary, the customer at work, that you were in love. I thought you were in love with me. With your secret admirer. Wasn’t it romantic enough for you? I was going to tell you weeks ago, but I needed you relaxed, so I spiked your drink with valium, but I put too much in, and well, now I’m out of time. Tell me you’ll get rid of him. Get rid of that guy Jacob. He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t own you. You’ve only known him a little while. I’ve known you for a whole year. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Sorry Steve, but no. I’m with Jacob now.”
Then he yelled in face, “No! Take it back! You’re not with him. He’s not good enough for you. You belong to me.” And he shoved me hard against the wall and I heard my head crack against it. I slipped down the wall and held my head in my hands.
“Stop it, Steve. This isn’t helping your case.”
He grabbed me and stood me up again. He moved in close and fast, pinning my legs between his and holding my wrists against the wall. He moved his mouth in close to mine and put the moved his hands from my wrists to my throat and started squeezing. My hands went up to grab his arms, but I couldn’t get his hands off of my neck. I knew I was going to black out, I couldn’t speak
Steve said, “You’re mine or you’re no one’s.”
That’s when I heard the door burst open, I saw a streak of black and white, and the next thing I knew, Steve was on the ground with blood gushing out of his nose, and mouth. Jacob was standing over him. He picked him up, held him over his head, and threw him against the dumpster. Steve’s head lulled back and his body slipped down to the ground.
“God Jacob, stop, you’re going to kill him.” I yelled.
He stood up and turned slowly toward me. Then he was suddenly there, right next to me, my face cupped gently between his two large brown hands. “Are you okay, Rowan?”
“I’m okay, I’m okay. “ I said. “Just totally freaked out.”
We both heard a scraping against the pavement and heard a grown. Jacob walked back over to Steve and leaned down in his face. “If you ever touch her again, if you even look in her direction, I will kill you, do you understand? You are quiting the job at the brewery, leaving this great state of Tacoma, and never coming back. If I ever see you anywhere near here again, I will hunt you down and kill you. Then I will dismantle your body and make sure it is never ever found. Do you understand me?”
Steve nodded his head. I could see a stain spread in the crotch of his pants. And I knew he would follow the directions Jacob had just given him. I stood there, shaking against the wall. I had never seen this side of Jacob before and I didn’t know what to think. I never wanted to see that side turned against me. The weird thing was, he was totally calm, the whole time, he seemed relaxed. He wasn’t red in the face, or sweating profusely, nothing. I stared at the back of Jacob. I didn’t know what to think. I mean, Steve was strangling me, and could have killed me, and Jacob could have killed him.
Jacob picked him up off the ground. “You have 24 hours to get out of town. That’s it.”
Steve, who I was amazed could actually stand on two feet, skittered away to the parking lot.
I slid down the wall and started to cry. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”
Jacob crouched down next to me. “Rowan, Rowan?” He said. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m sorry, I was afraid he was going to kill you. I’m not going to hurt you. I swear.”
“You were so fast and so fierce.” I said. “I don’t understand it. It’s like you are trained fighter.”
“I have to take you to Forks, Rowan. I can explain it there. I promise. Not here, not now. You just need to know that I will never ever hurt you. Can you trust me?”
I looked up at him, looked through my overflowing eyes and saw the intensity of his promise in his dark chocolate eyes.
“I can trust you.” I said.
He reached out and scooped me up into his arms I clung to him. I was a shaky mess and tears were still streaking down my cheeks. He felt warm and safe.
“I want to go home.” I said.
“I’ll text Kate and let her know we’re leaving when we get to the truck.”
He walked with me in his arms to the truck, placed me in the passenger seat and locked and closed the door. He got out his phone, texted Kate to say that Steve took off, and he and I were going home. He opened the driver’s door, grabbed his jacket out of the back of the cab, and handed it to me. “Please put this on.”
I took it, and slowly, shakily put my arms through the sleeves. He climbed in the driver’s seat, started the engine and turned on the heat. “We’re stopping for a cola for you on the way back. You should probably eat something, too.”
“I think I might be sick if I eat.” I said.
“We’ll do fast food Chinese. Wonton soup. Trust me.”
“I trust you Jacob. You probably just saved my life.” And I burst into tears again. “God, I need to stop this.”
“You’re in shock, Rowan, you’ve just had someone try to strangle you to death, and then you watched your boyfriend beat the shit out of someone. It’s been a pretty traumatic night.”
Through the tears I started laughing, as Jacob backed out of the parking spot, and headed out to the street. I closed my eyes and rested my head against his shoulder, while he navigated the roads, went through the drive-thru of the Chinese takeout chain, and finally ended up in the driveway of my apartment. He parked the car and turned the car off. “Can you walk, or do you need me to carry you?”
“I think I can walk.” I said.
He got out of the truck, came around my side, opened the door, unbuckled my seatbelt, and helped me out. I stood on shaky legs, but I could do it. He grabbed the Chinese food bag with one hand, and grabbed me under the armpit with the other, shut the door and walked me up to my apartment. When we got inside, he sat me at the kitchen table, turned on all the lights, and began to set out the food. “Give me your foot.”
I swung my left foot out to him. He unzipped my boot and took it off, then I swung my right foot out to him, and he unzipped my other boot, and placed them both against the wall. He washed his hands, grabbed some silverware and napkins and sat next to me, coaxing me to drink some cola and eat some bites of food. The more I ate and drank, the better I felt. I could feel my body and mind start to relax and the shaking begane to subside.
“So much for a happy new year.” Jacob said.
“Well,” I said. “We might have missed the midnight kiss, but I’m alive, and you’re alive, and we’re here together.”
“Yes, we are.” He replied.
Sunday, December 7
Kate and I were hanging out on the sofa watching reruns on TV when my phone rang. I looked at who was calling, saw it was Zach, and picked up.
“Hey, what’s up sexy?” I said to him.
“Hey gorgeous girl, turn on channel 4.”
“Why, what’s going on?”
“Just do it.”
Kate had the remote, so I said to her, “It’s Zach. He wants us to turn on channel 4.”
“The news?” said Kate. “Why does he want us to watch the news?”
As Kate was asking the question, she was also flipping to channel 4. Live action reporting was coming straight to us, in some tree filled land. It looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it. Then I recognized where it was.
“Zach, it’s about three blocks from the brewery, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
Kate I sat and watched the news, while Zach sat patiently on the phone. And then I saw it, the camera cut in to a black bag in the field, with what could only be a body inside of it.
“A body bag?” said Kate.
Zach explained in my ear and I relayed it to Kate. “They found a body, a lot like the girl in the girl in the woods, looks mauled. Can’t be sure it was a bear, can’t be sure it was a human. They have no idea was it was. But this time it was a guy. Right in our home turf.”
Kate said, “From now on, no one leaves work and goes to their car alone. We all walk out together.”
“Zach, did you hear that?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” said Zach. “And I totally agree. This is getting kind of scary, too close to home turf.”
“Don’t I know it,” I said, thinking that this was the second murder too close to where I had been only recently.
Zach hung up and five seconds later the phone rang again. It was my mother. I really didn’t want to answer.
“Come home now.” My mother barked at me through the phone.
“Mom, I can’t and besides, I’m not invited for the holidays, remember?”
“Rowan, you don’t need to throw that in my face. You know how I get. You didn’t need to start an argument with me then or now. I still want you here, where I know you will be safe.”
“Mom, there are more murders in New Jersey per year than there are in Washington.”
“Well there not always so close to where you live, are they? Why can’t you live in a nice suburbs, instead of the city. You know the city is always more dangerous.”
I inhaled and exhaled slowly.
“Don’t you sigh at me, miss. Here is your father.”
Rowan, you need to come home. Enough of this.” My father blasted through the phone.
“Dad, my life is here, I’m not leaving. Murder is everywhere. I’m not in any more danger here than I would be there.”
“Well, I think you should get a gun. And go to a shooting range and practice with it every day for a week. Do they have permits there to carry concealed? You should get one of those. You know your mother and I have sleep with a gun under the pillow for years.”
“Yeah, dad, I know. But no, I’m not getting a gun. I’m more likely to shoot the wrong person with it than the right one.”
“I really think you should consider it. You and Kate should both get guns. Then you can practice shooting together.”
“Dad, I’m not really sure I could pull the trigger if it came down to it. But, I’ll tell you what, Kate and I will go the store and get some bear spray, okay? Would that satisfy you?”
“Well, bear spray is better than nothing. Don’t be afraid to spray it right in his eyes, Rowan. You want to incapacitate him. And keep it on your person at all times, get a little belt hook and wear it right on your waist, so you can grab it right away.”
“Okay, Dad. Kate and I will go get some bear spray and wear it on our waists, okay, and we don’t spray the wrong person with it.” I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. I looked at Kate. She rolled her eyes right back at me.
“Dad, I have to go. I have to go make dinner.”
“Go get the bear spray tonight, Rowan, right now. And then I want you to send me a phone pic of it. So I know you have it.”
“Gads, Dad. Okay, okay. I love you, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Love you, too. Now go do it.” And he disconnected the phone call.
Kate was already getting on her shoes, “Come on Rowan. We better go do it. You know how he can be. I don’t want to get on his bad side.”
An hour later we were back at home, with two small canisters of bear spray. The clerk had been a really nice guy, who showed up how to hold the canister and spray it, with a dummy can they kept on hand for demonstrations. He explained that you wanted to make sure the wind was blowing away from you and not toward you, or you would wind up with a face full of the hot pepper spray yourself.
I took the two canisters, set them on the table, had Kate pose behind them, so he would know that they were authentically ours, took a pic and forwarded it to my dad. We each took one canister and put them in our respective purses. Then I went into the kitchen to make spagetti and meatballs for dinner. As the little round balls of beef were cooking in the electric frying pan, the doorbell rang. Kate went to answer it. It was Jacob. She brought him into the kitchen.
“Just in time for dinner!” I said. “Could you smell the meatballs from your place?”
Jacob laughed, came around behind me and gave me a hug and a kiss along the side of my neck, as I used the tongs to turn the balls so they could cook evenly.
“Yum,” he said.
“Which, my neck or dinner?”
Kate applauded, “Good answer, Jacob. You win the jackpot.”
We all laughed together. The water for the pasta was boiling, so I threw the noodles in and tuned down the burner. Then I unscrewed the lids off the jars of pasta sauce and poured them into a sauce pan, which already had mushrooms and onions simmering away.
“Not homemade,” I said, “but doctored up canned stuff. You are staying for dinner, right?”
“Only if there’s enough.”
Kate bubbled, “When Rowan cooks, there’s always enough, usually for two or three days.”
“Hey,” I said, swatting her with my spatula, “It saves on cooking time, we can just use the microwave.”
“Okay,” said Jacob, “I’ll stay.”
He began to help Kate set the table for three.
“Hey, did you see the news?” Kate asked him.
“The murder? Yeah, I saw that.” There was an edge to his voice I didn’t recognize.
“It was right by work.” Kate said and Jacob’s eyes grew dark and severe. “Well, not right by work, more like three blocks away.”
“I don’t like it.” He said. “You guys need to be really careful. Can you take a few days off of work?”
“Why would he show up at the same place?” I asked, “Unless he was a bear, and he decided that was his territory…”
Jacob interjected, “Trust me Rowan, it’s not a bear.”
“How can you know?” Kate asked him.
“Look, I know what I’m talking about. Those aren’t bear markings. But they aren’t exactly human either.” And then he turned a little red, and glanced away.
“Must be the lions or the wolves then.” Kate said. “Do wolves do that?”
“Wolves don’t eat people, Kate.” Jacob replied.
“Must be some kind of lion, then.”
“Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!” I said. “But seriously, wouldn’t the police let us know if they thought a person was doing this. I mean, this is body number two. If it was a person, it would seem they had a serial killer on their hands and would need to do something about it, like let the general public be aware of it, so we could protect ourselves.”
“Look it’s probably a hungry, hurt mountain lion. They can be really really dangerous and are less afraid of people than we are of them. And less afraid of us than most black bears are. So you girls really need to be careful. Don’t go anywhere alone for awhile. Until this thing is caught. Okay? Promise me.” He looked from me to Kate and back to me again. He held my gaze for a few extra seconds. “I’m serious.”
We moved all the food to serving dishes, took it to the table and began to serve ourselves as Kate said, “Oh don’t worry Jacob, Rowan’s dad already had us buy pepper spray, since Rowan didn’t want to go buy a gun.”
“A gun?” Jacob said and laughed.
I got a little defensive. “I can shoot. My dad taught me how.”
Jacob stopped laughing, “No, no, it’s not that. It’s just that…never mind. I just don’t know that a gun will do the trick. I think the pepper spray might be a better bet. But I’m not even sure about that.”
“What do you know, that you’re not saying?” I asked him. Did he know something more about this than he was letting on? It seemed like maybe he did, but I couldn’t imagine what.
“Nothing, nothing. It’s just that your best bet is just not to be alone. Because hurt animals can be the most dangerous and you never know what they are capable of or how they are going to respond.” But I wasn’t sure he was telling the whole truth. Maybe growing up in Forks, which was closer to the wilderness, exposed him to a lot wildlife than I thought. I was a suburban and now an urban kid, what I did I know?
Sunday, November 30
That night I had a dream. I was walking on the trail, the one I met Jacob and Max on. It was nighttime, and I had no flashlight. I found my way only by the light of the three quarter moon. This time, instead of wearing hiking clothes I was dressed in a long gossamer dress and a long white veil that trailed behind me. I was barefooted, and walking slowly, looking for something. When I came to the place with all of the fallen trees, I could not hear voices, did not see Jacob or Max. Instead there was a very large gray wolf, half in and half out of the shadow of the trees, not quite on the trail. I slowly, cautiously approached him, each time I felt like I could reach out and touch him, he moved further away from me. I followed him, deeper and deeper into the woods, off of the trail. My veil snagged on some bushes almost immediately, and was torn from my hair, leaving my locks hanging long and disheveled around my shoulders. I walked through brambly bushes, which scratched my legs and made little rivulets of blood run down my calves, across my feet, and into the damp earth. My dress caught on the thorns of wild roses, running rampant through the forest, and ripped into shreds. At last, I stood in the middle of a small clearing, naked and ashamed, and wondering what I was going there. The wolf sat, leaned his head back and up and let out a long, low mournful howl. I heard lots of howls coming back to him, in different tones and scales. Until there was nothing but the rhythm and vibration of their song in my head, in my body. I heard howling much closer now, right next to me. No, it was coming from inside of me. The gray wolf stood beside me, on his four legs, while I stood on my two, howling in unison. I woke up to the sound of the refrigerator humming in the kitchen.
I yawned, stretched, and reached across the bed, for my laptop, which was sitting on the floor. I flipped the lid and put in the search, “The Legends of The People.”
I found their origin story, which claimed that they were descendants of wolves. That the first man sprang out of Mother Wolf’s womb, that she nursed him as one of her own pups, that he grew as strong, fast, and powerful as one of her own. He ran on two legs instead of four, but was able to keep up and pass the four-legged ungulates he hunted with his brothers and sisters. Instead of his jaws, he used his hands, to crush enemies, and bring down his prey. He could rip their throats out with one grip. He was big brother to his pup siblings, bringing them food, playing with them, teaching them the ways of the pack family, of hunting, of surviving, just like his real wolf brothers and sisters did. Until one day, when the sun god demanded that he go live with his own kind, the other two legged, hairless animals that walked the earth. And so he did. He joined the other humans, living in huts, building fires, hunting with bows and arrows, and later with guns, instead of his hands. Using horses, and later trucks, instead of his own two legs, so he could fit in with the rest of the two legged, hairless animals. While he did not use his wolf strength and skills all the time, he never forgot about them. They lay dormant until danger approached, and he could employ them at will, to enable him and his family to survive.
It seemed like a typical origin story to me. I had studied several of them in one of my lit classes, and nothing stuck me as unusual or odd about it. I wondered why Jacob thought it was so important for me to know it, and several other legends as well, apparently. Did he really believe it? Maybe he did. That was okay. I mean, I could understand it to a point, I mean, I could see the characteristics of the wolf that people admired: skillful hunters, members of a close knit family or pack, doting on the pups or children within that pack, sticking together, working together, surviving together. What was there not to admire? Was he worried I would think it was trivial or silly? I had no idea. I guess I would have to wait until I went to Forks to really understand what he was concerned about.
Saturday, November 29
I got to work, with Kate, who was working the same shift as me, feeling a little leary, and was immediately greeted by Zach.
“Hey, you’re back!” He said. “New Jersey was a bust?”
“Hey, look who’s here,” said Steve, as he breezed by and went into the kitchen. “It’s nice to see your smiling face.”
“Awesome Rowan, you are the favorite you know,” said Milo, giving me a pat on the head as he carried water glasses to a waiting table.
I looked at Zach, as I put my backpack behind the counter, and tied on my apron. “Hey Zach, you didn’t by chance send me roses did you?” Kate watched him out of the corner of her eye.
“The red kind with a note from a secret admirer?” He said, eyeing me seriously. Kate’s eyes grew wide.
“Yeah!” I said, excited that it might be him, playing a joke on me.
“How’d you know?”
“How’d I know you have a secret admirer? I was there when they arrived, remember?”
“Oh. I don’t mean that time, I mean, I got some yesterday afternoon.”
“What? Again? Can’t that guy grow some balls and just talk to you?”
“Apparently not. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t playing a trick on me, or joking around or something.”
“On my life, Rowan, it wasn’t me.”
“Where there any customers that seemed unusually interested in when I would be back?”
“Not that I can think of.” Zach replied.
“This sucks,” said Kate. “For a minute there I was actually hoping it was you,” she said to Zach.
“Rowan, you’re up,” Milo called to me, which meant that I had just had some new customers sit in my section. I went out to the dining room, plastered a smile on my face, which wasn’t hard to do, all I did was think about Jacob and it just sort of broke out all over my face.
Then afternoon and evening breezed by. I was amazed at how busy we were for what should have been a lull between Christmas and New Year’s. I guess people had a lot of company in. I had some of my usual customers, who asked how I was and if I had a nice Christmas. I lied and told them I had. One of them, Gary, stuck in my head. He was an older man, probably in his fifties. He was a widower, his wife had died of cancer a couple of years ago. He came in every week, sometimes two or three times, and always alone. Even if he wasn’t in my section, he always motioned me to come over and say hello to him. Tonight he was in Steve’s section. He beaconed me over, as Steve was pouring more coffee into his cup.
He told me I seemed to be glowing a bit more than usual tonight. I blushed, and he sighed and said, “Ah, it must be love.”
“It is,” I replied back. His eyes twinkled at me and he smiled.
“I remember those days,” he told me.
The night continued on with table after table, and I ended up working an extra hour, until the crowd died down a bit.
Zach asked me, “Hey dancing girl, are you going to come out and play with us tonight?”
“I don’t know.” I said. I hadn’t really thought about it. A part of me wanted to go home, put on some sweats, curl up on the sofa and watch a movie. A part of me wanted to call Jacob. Okay, a huge part of me wanted to call Jacob, but he said he would call me, and I didn’t want to jump the gun.
“Well, you’ll come out with us on New Year’s, right?”
“Because we have our traditions to uphold.” I had only been in Tacoma for a little over a year, so we only had last year to go on, but if memory serves me right, it had been epic.
“I’ll be there, but I might have some company.” I said.
“Things going well in that direction?”
My blush said it all. Zach laughed, “Good. You deserve it.”
I finished my side jobs, and was just about to remove my apron when something caught my eye by the door. I think I must be developing a sixth sense for this guy. There he was, in a thermal and flannel shirt again, looking intently for me. His eyes caught mine, and he smiled and made a beeline in my direction. When he reached me, he said. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said back. I could feel the space between us, prickling with electricity. “Zach, this is Jacob, Jacob this is Zach.”
They both reached out and shook each other’s hands. Then Zach went on his way, back into the kitchen to rescue the food his customers were waiting for.
I folded up my apron with all my tip money inside of it, and put it in my backpack. Then I threw on my hoodie and stepped out from behind the counter, greeting Jacob with a big hug.
“I went by your place, but you weren’t there. So I figured you were probably working later than you thought.”
“You did?” I asked, smiling at the idea of him going to my apartment on the spur of the moment.
“Yeah, I just can’t really stay away from you.”
“Oh, were you trying to?”
“Not really, but I was only planning on calling you.” He grabbed my hand and walked me out the door. I waved goodbye to my coworkers. I head someone ask, “Who the hell is that guy?” But I couldn’t be sure who said it.
“But then I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I figured I would be there when you got back from work.” We were outside by now. I reached around and hugged him tight. And gave him a kiss.
“I don’t mind at all.”
“So, is it okay with you if we pick up some Chinese food and hang out at my place? I mean, I’m not going to try anything…you know…” he said, turning red. “I mean, I’d like to be able to hang out with you for awhile and not worry about taking up space in someone’s restaurant.”
“That sounds great,” I said, as he opened the door for me and I slid into his truck.
We sat on his beat up, second hand, brown leather sofa, with cartons of Mongolian beef, sweet and sour chicken, and pork fried rice on the pine coffee table in front of us. He turned on U2: The Best of 1980-1990 as a backdrop to our conversation.
“So tell me every.” He said to me.
“Everything?” I said.
“Everything you didn’t tell me the other night, at Pot and Kettle.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked him.
“Well, what’s your favorite color, music, book? What are your favorite flowers, candy, food to eat? Where have you traveled? Where do you want to go in the future? What was it like growing up in New Jersey? What do you dream about? What do you think about living in Tacoma?”
I laughed, “Well for starters, I don’t actually have a favorite color, but pink makes me happy, so does brown, and all the colors of the earth, my favorite music is Indie Rock, and my favorite book series is Harry Potter. My favorite flowers are red roses, or at least they were, now I’m not so sure, candy is anything chocolate and nutty. I love to eat Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Italian…well I love to eat a lot of different kinds of food, so I don’t have a favorite. I’ve been up and down the East Coast, Montana, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona, and now Washington. I want to go to Ireland, Alaska, Hawaii, Australia, and California. And Oregon would be okay, too……”
I continued to talk to him, explaining the extreme feelings of love and fear of my father that riddled my childhood, explained my closeness with my brother, while we were young, and how we had changed and grown apart as adolescence hit. I shared my memories of catching of frogs in the grass, spending all day at the beach, and soaking in tea baths when we got home to ease the burned skin. I dreamed about riding horses bareback across the prairie, whales and dolphins in the ocean, and elephants in Africa and India. I dreamed about swimming in clear, cool pools of water between cracks of rock, and riding the rapids in a raft. And when I was stressed, I dreamed that my car was going backwards and I couldn’t stop it, and my teeth all broke and fell out of my mouth. I liked living in Tacoma, I liked the pace of the city and felt it wasn’t as dirty, smelly, or crowded as cities back east were.
“What is your greatest desire?”
“That question again?” I said to him. “I’m still not ready to share that with you.”
“When will you be ready to share that with me?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” I replied honestly. “And anyway, it’s your turn.”
“I don’t know.” I replied honestly. “And anyway, it’s your turn.”
“Yes. Tell me everything.”
“I need to take you to Forks first.”
“Rowan, I have secrets and heavy baggage I need to share with you, but I need you to hear the legends of my people, so it’s all in context. Do you know any of the legends of my tribe?”
“Not really, well, just the one, that you are descended from wolves.”
“Yeah, that one’s pretty important. Do you believe it?” Jacob asked.
“Well I think it’s probably more likely that we are descended from apes, but maybe we have some characteristics of the wolves and that’s why the legends say you descended from them.” I replied.
“That’s an interesting thought.” Jacob replied.
“Um, so when are you going to take me?”
“Yeah, to Forks.”
“How about the weekend after New Year’s?”
“That sounds good.”
“And then you can decide if you want to continue in this thing with me or not.”
“Why would I change my mind?”
“Some things are hard to take and I don’t want you to feel you have to stay with me if things are too strange or weird or whatever.”
“Jacob, as long as you’re not a serial killer, I think we should be okay.”
“We’ll see,” he said. And he looked very serious, and a little worried.
I wanted him to take me to Forks tomorrow, so I could learn what his secrets were and assure him that I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t sure what he could possibly tell me that would make me change my mind.
We finished eating, while he told me stories from his childhood, of running wild and free in the woods with his cousins and sisters, of family powwows, and boating in the sea. He talked about his father with reverence, and explained he taught him more than any teacher Jacob ever had could.
I listened, enthralled, finding parallels and huge differences in our upbringings.
Finally, I asked him, “What is your greatest desire?”
He looked at me for a minute, then he took my face and his hands and pulled me in closer, until I started to feel like I was floating in his eyes. “My greatest desire is to make you happy.” He said and reached out and kissed me, softly, longingly, lovingly. I was drowning and lost at sea in his mouth. At last our lips parted. And he pulled me against him. I rested my head on his chest. We sat there for a long time, just holding on to each other, listening to the music replay itself over and over again. Finally, he said, “Well, I should probably take you home.”
I really didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to stay there, wrapped in his arms on his sofa forever. But I unwound myself from him, feeling cold where we no longer in contact, and got up to help clean up the food.
He drove me back to my apartment, my hand on his thigh again, his hand on mine. We kissed goodnight, not as long as last night, he walked me to the door, and blissed out on the time we spent together, I fell into my bed and went to sleep.