I don't know what to do with myself. I'm working extra shifts, already finished two papers that aren't even due yet, and am almost caught up on studying. I think I'm going to have to take apart my bike and rebuild it again, just so I don't go out of my mind while Alaska is gone. And that scares me so bad I want to run, because I don't want to get hurt.
I worked so hard for years to protect myself and keep myself safe, and now I am totally exposed: weak and vulnerable. I am like a jellyfish, when I used to be an oyster. What if she ends up staying up there? What if her family needs her for more than a couple of weeks? Will that be the end of it? Will she stay there and forget about everything here? I know, I know, I'm probably over-reacting, but I've never been involved like this before. Okay, I've never been in love before, never felt like I needed someone before.
Man, I need to calm down and breathe. I need to go for a run and do some meditation. And then I will call her, and see how she's doing. And maybe I'll ask her if she wants me to come up there, too, but probably not. Because I don't want to put pressure on her or have her think I'm being needy. Man, I just hope her dad recovers from his heart surgery. I know I'm being selfish, but I just really want her to come back.