Friday, October 31

Jacob and Rowan

Yes, they found their names....or at least, they told me what their names are. I'm very happy to have heard them. Not sure if Jacob is going to be shapeshifter or a regular guy, but I am leaning toward shapeshifting. Of course the Harley-Crow movie didn't quite get it right, and neither did the Twlight movie. But he's happy about that, since it's not something he and other shape shifters want known. Of course, if he is a shapeshifter, he'll probably have to battle vampires at some point in time, don't you think? Or at the very least, acknowledge their existence and his fight with them in the past. If it's fan fiction, I might as well take it and run with it, and make the Twlight series Bella's fictionalized account of what really happened, to protect the innocent. which would mean Rowan and Jacob would meet ten years after Bella and Edward married and moved to Wales. It's probably best if they are off continent, never to be seen in the Washington/Oregon area again for at least 100 years. Basically, Jacob would sum it up this way, "Yeah, I got dumped. I can't compete with eternal youth and unlimited funds. I give up. Who wants a guy with superhuman strength when all he knows how to do is fix cars and pay the rent on a bungaloo, when you can live forever in a mansion."

Monday, October 27

Who's Who

Want to join me in the brainstorming process?

I can't seem to figure this girl out. I don't even know her name. Here are some options: June, Summer, Marie, Ann-(something), Mary-Kate, Rowan, Raven, River, Rain, Meadow, Lark, Gray, Grayson (yeah, it's usually a boy's name), Kaomi, Riley, Nadine, Nanine, Jobie, Jessie, Jamie...HELP!! She probably comes from a non-practicing Irish Catholic family, a mix of blue collar and educated middle class. I have no idea what state she is from, except that it's not the south or the northwest, Hawaii, or Alaska. She's away from home, but not sure if it's an hour by car or 8 hours by plane. She's the one with Dr. Jeckyll/ Mr. Hyde for a father, a martyr for a mother, both of whom only love with lots of strings attached. Not sure if she knows she's escaping yet, or if she's still playing the pleasing game, which she hasn't figured out she'll never win. She's experienced falling in love, had her heart broken, but is a romantic idealist and expects to find something even better. She worries she's insane, and that one day someone might find out, but really it's just that her family is so f-ed up, that she hasn't any idea of what healthy emotional relationship looks like. Once she realizes that, she'll be on her way to self discovery and enlightenment.

This guy. Well it's a little more clear with this one, but not too much. He's either going to be named Jacob or Joseph. He's part Indian (no idea what tribe), part French, and a variety of other caucasian blood. Maybe 3/4 American Indian?? He spent two years at the university, had his heart ripped out and handed to him on a platter, since she left him for someone else. He dropped out, and for two years worked manual labor/minimum wage jobs in his home town, which is on the outskirts of the reservation and doesn't have many employment opportunities. He moved back to the university town and decided being a certified EMT was the way to go. He could make a living wage, and also forget about his broken heart while he was dealing with one trauma or another. He still avoids going to the places he went with her. He hangs out with his EMT buddies: hunting, fishing, and drinking, avoids the dance scene and the dating scene, unless he's looking for a one night stand, which isn't often, since he wakes up the next morning feeling more hollow inside than he did the night before. He's sworn off love forever. He did take his little sister, who's still in high school, to see the Harley and Crow movie, and he was about ready to run screaming from the theater. It was so implausible in his eyes, to be that connected to another person. Not sure if he just has his father and sister, or if his mother is still around, too.

Saturday, October 25

Thank you!!

I just want to say a very large and heartfelt thank you to all of you! 

I appreciate all of the positive support for the changes. I appreciate all of the thoughtful and insightful replies to the previous post. I feel like you are all giving me the acceptance and support I wished for in starting over with my bjds. 

Debbie gave me the great idea of having the previous stories, be just that: stories. And the new characters are the people who've read those stories, so none of the characters are lost or deleted. Crow, Harley, Alaska, Jake, Fawn, and Jace will live on in their novellas.

I am going to rename the dolls otherwise known as Crow and Fawn. And create new backgrounds and a new storyline for them. I will probably spend some time photographing them together, writing little moments of dialogue and or ruminations, before the actual storytelling begins. 

I have actually no idea how the littlefee will be involved, or if they will just do their own thing. Maybe the two Antes will be sisters, even if one does has elf ears, lol. We'll see. 


The cast of characters is changing.

I only have four Fairyland dolls now. (Well, I will only have 4, as soon as the Karsh and the M-line girl body have sold. The Chloe head is already gone.)

Who's staying:
MNF Luka in Tan
MNF Ante
LTF Ante Elf
LTF Lisa in White

What happened??
I realized that my life journey is on the other side of the hill now. And that I spent too much time obsessing over dolls the last six years of it. Will it matter in another 15 years? No. So why am I spending energy and resources on something that isn't really going to make me a better person in the end. Do I need to keep adding dolls and creating stories that aren't personally important to me? No. I loved Alaska and Jake, and Fawn and Jace, but ultimately, those characters don't mean much to me, not the way that Harley and Crow do, while they are my fan fic of Twlight, they are also something more. Harley encompasses so much of myself, and Crow, too. They are part of my real life, part of an alternate life, and part fantasy.

So here's the question: How does this all play out?

And here's the list of questions I am asking myself to figure out the answer:

Does the Ante become Harley?
Does Crow change his name to Jacob (since that's really who he's based on)?
Do I rewrite the Harley and Crow story, with both of them falling in love for the first time? OR Do I say that Harley has died, give Crow about 5 years (in story time, not real time) to grieve and become a hermit, and then introduce the Ante as someone else, maybe with her own baggage, but still a fairly young character who is able to break Crow out of his self-isolation?
I hate to kill off a character, but I don't know how else I could explain Harley's leaving. And the death of an S. O. is pretty intense.

Right now I'm leaning toward changing both of their names, having the Crow/Jacob character (who has sworn off all relationships after a really bad breakup) meet the Ante (who is young, has had a little experience in love) and continue on from there with miscommunication, etc. until there is a final resolution in a happy ending.

Saturday, October 18

Jace and Fawn: The Story Gets Told

Hi!! dad said it was okay to just walk down and see you.....are you sure it's okay to be in your bedroom?

Yeah, yeah, come in. Leave the door open if you're more comfortable that way. Come in and sit next to me. 

Sorry...I'm at this....

Your hair is different. 

Yeah, I put a pink wash in it. 


It looks nice, and smells like strawberries. 

*giggles* That's the shampoo I use. 

Your bed is really cozy. I could fall asleep here. 

Yeah, sometimes I do, when I am reading or doing homework. ready to tell me the story?

It's not sweet....or easy. 

I know. I mean it made you do this. *looks at his scars*

My father is very high up in the elf council. Everyone thinks he's this really great guy and everyone was always telling me how proud I must be of him and how lucky I am to be his son. But that wasn't really the case. He was two sided. I mean he had this one persona for the public and a very different one for my mom, sister, and me. He wasn't physically abusive, but it was all mental, you know. Emotional abuse and control. He needed to be in absolute control of everything. And then when I was ten, my mom died in a plane accident. And then he got even worse. I mean....he even told you how long you could be in the bathroom. My sister couldn't take it anymore. He found the bathtub...blood everywhere.  My father made me tell everyone she had an aneurism. He even convinced the medical examiner to write it on her death certificate. That's the kind of power he held. And I guess everyone felt bad for him, since he had lost a wife and a daughter.  After that I started cutting myself, because I couldn't tell anyone what happened, how she really died.

Oh Jace, wow. I'm so sorry. 

She was older than me, and I didn't know what to do. I felt so trapped. Then Rose came to me. She's my dream child. You know about them, right?

*nods her head*

So she came to me, because she knew I needed her to survive. She would cry every time I cut myself, it was like through the cutting and the tears, I was releasing all the pain and anger I had inside. Eventually, I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life cutting, so I ran away. That first night away from home was the first night I didn't cut. And I haven't since, even when I want to. But it's hard, I feel like there's so much unresolved, and I feel so helpless, and I wonder if running away was the right thing to do. But what was the point in staying? 

Jace, I think you are very lucky you are alive. You could have gone out the way your sister did. But instead you are here, with me. 

So, anyway, that's my very big pile of baggage. So I've had a really messed up life. I have no idea what normal is, but I hope to find out some day. So anyway, if you don't want to be with me, I can totally understand. You're so sweet and innocent and young, and you don't need anything that dark in your life. 

I want to be with you. It's your baggage, but you know, maybe I can help lighten the load. And while I don't claim to know normal either, being around my family might be a really great thing for you. 

You sure you..and they...want to deal with me?

Yeah, I'm sure. It's not your fault,  you know. 

I know.... worries. I'm here, and my family is, too. 


Did you know Jace's story? Oh, duh, of course you did! 

*Rose smiles*

Do you think they know we've met yet?

No, I think it's going to be a surprise

I'm glad you came over with him today. 

Me too. 

We can be best friends, if you want. 


And sisters later...if they...

Yes! We're going to be inseparable! 

Tuesday, September 23

Jace and Fawn: First Date

Hey, I had a lot of fun tonight. I didn't even know they had free movies at the university.

yeah, well they are usually art movies, but still.....

*reaches out for his hand and notices the scars on his wrist and pulls the shirt sleeve up*

Whoa, what's this? What happened? Oh....did you do this?


I did it again, didn't I? I always say the wrong thing or bring up the wrong subject when I'm with you. 

Hey, don't say that. You just have a way of touching on  the dark stuff in my life. And...and your so sweet and innocent,... I don't want....I don't want to taint you with it. 

*reaches out to hug him* You're not going to taint me. I'm unbelievably good. this the part where um....I kiss you. 


You smell so good.

Come on I better get you home. 

Saturday, September 20

Jace and Fawn: The Third Degree'd it go last night?

Hey! You shouldn't sneak up on people. 


It was really nice. 

Did they ask about your past?

Nope! They just asked me about the coffee shop. 

Fawn has two little sisters.  So you know....when I tell them about you...

I can play with them! That would be awesome. 

And when you get married, they can be my sisters. And...

Whoa, slow down.

*kiss* See you later.



So....did he kiss you?

No, nosey, he's really shy. I think I might even have to kiss him first.

Wow, really? I thought boys always did the kissing first. 

Nope! They don't. Sometimes the boy is shy and the girl does the kissing first. And I think this might be the case here. 

What's kissing like?

It's soft and warm, and if you close your eyes you feel like you are floating away, especially if you kiss at night, under the stars. And if the moon is out, too, it's even better!

Are you going to marry him, 'cause if you don't, I will! 


Well, he's cute! And he's nice like Daddy. 

Twig, don't be silly, you're only 4 and Jace will be an old man by the time you are old enough. And anyway, Fawn hasn't even gone on an official date with him yet. Right, Fawn?

Right, and anyway, we don't want to scare him off, because we want him to come back and visit us a lot, okay Twig? Because I really like him a lot, but you can't tell him, because he needs to realize it slowly. Otherwise he might run away. He's like a deer that way. 

So maybe his name should be Buck. 

*eye rolls all around*

Can we play family now, and I get to be the baby?

You are already the baby. 

For ever and ever. 


Hey Jace, I had a really nice time last night. Hope you did, too. Talk to you soon. 

Whew, I didn't blow it. I think she likes me.